我应该在哪里？

我不属于在这里，

也不属于任何一个地方。

每次放假回到家，

就觉得自己其实去度假，

在自己的家去度假。。

而我的家就是在我的读书的地方。。

自己的家好像已经习惯了我的离去，我的不存在。。

真的让我觉得我真正的家已经搬到一个我不懂在那里的地方？

就像没家了的感觉一样、

就像一个失忆了的人，

不懂自己属于那里。。

住在哪里？

自己的名字是什么？

为什么会存在在这个地方？

我的存在价值到底是什么？

我知道我的存在只带给很多人不必要的麻烦和负担，

而不是一个带给身边所有人的幸福。。

我的想法依然还在，依然到现在还缠着我。。

就是想在这个上消失!

我找不到我生存的价值!

我找不到神为什么选中了我，

让我出生在这世界上。。

为什么我带不到幸福给别人？

而只是一只增加家人的负担， 麻烦。。

我真的很想知道神为什么选上我，

让我在这世界上存在的理由！！

如果我不在，

真的有很多不必要的麻烦是不会出现的！

他们不用为了我出很多的钱供我读书、

不有为了我的身体问题、

而担忧又花钱在我的医药费上！

种种的问题如果不是因为我，

它们是不会出现的！

就是因为我，

他们的麻烦、

负担、

每一天都正在增加！！

我真不想这样。。

我真的很想消失在这个世界上，

长痛不如短痛！！

消失得快，

他们的世界就会好很多！！

QQ版爱情篇

 1）两人一起吃成大胖子。。。

2）我很冷，但是你也冷，我会毅然脱下外套给你。。。

3）我会很有耐心的等你，可你为什么那么迟还不来！

4）耐心耐心。。。

5）其实我很胆小，可是在你面前，我一定会勇敢，我会保护你--永远！

6）你看连续剧入迷了，再怎么想跟你聊天我也会识相地在一边等着。。。

7）一个人的时候我泡面，是为了存钱给你做好吃的。。。

“还不认输”，“行行行，都是我不对，你永远都是对的。。。”

那些合影，是我们一辈子的记忆。。。每一次看感觉都那么甜蜜！

永远永远，我都会崇拜你。。。

A Blissful child

A boy, who has a lot of mystery in his story

even he himself also did not know the details of every parts!! 

Unless others told him of what they know, then only he know more bout his own story..

Today, he knew another part of his story which told by his principal who just recently met back!!

But, He knows he is the most blissful child that he never thought he can deserves it!!

Thanks to his Lord for everything!!

One day, he will become the blessing to others in his Lord name, Jesus!!

選擇

"選擇" 比 "沒得選擇" 來得更煩！！

無奈

“煩”  形容不到我現在的心情！！

5月20號 520 我愛妳 I love You

5月20號 = 520 = 我愛妳

哈哈！！

我沒機會跟妳說

也許以後也一樣

那或許會比較好

最近我在想

如果我長時間都不跟妳聯絡

我對妳的感覺會不會慢慢變淡了

會不會慢慢忘記妳

忘記妳在我心中的存在

我不想重覆以前的錯誤

我不想用悲傷面對愛情

我不想用沒完沒了的單戀來度過歲月

我希望這只是一場美好的夢

醒過來之後

繼續我的人生路程

妳可能只是擦肩而過的感情

或者只是從習慣中
養育出來的感情而已

當脫離了習慣

這些都會成為我老年後的笑話
但我老了以後就有很多話題說了
不用過著悶悶的老年生活咯
哇哈哈哈

我還沒能對妳說

“我愛你”

這三個字

可是如果真的要我說

我希望

我能對妳說

“我喜歡你”

“我鍾意妳”

我不能用我的一生來喜歡一個人

可是我能在我愛妳的時候

為妳付出

直到

我不能再愛妳為止

以前我有一個對自己的承諾

就是念大學期間

對喜歡的人

不理不問

用四年的時間

只單單為將來而努力讀書

可是我想我做不到

因為我喜歡上妳了

但回想起來

如果我真的能這樣做

或許真的會還不錯

妳對我的感覺

我不知道

我對你的一切

我也不知道

就如愛上空氣一樣

只感覺到它的存在

卻摸不著

也捉不著

那倒不如專心讀書

豈不是更好

我會試著不聯絡妳

嘗試忘記妳

如果我做到

證明我只是習慣愛上一個人

而不是全心全意愛著妳

希望妳過得幸福

我也會試著過幸福的日子

妳要加油

^^d

NOT Happy at all

i do really not happy recently! i duno why!!
i do not know why am i so unhappy!!
Is it because i have no chance to have dinner with her when she back Ipoh this time?
Is it because i know i will fail 2 subject on this Y1S3's results?
or Is it because i doubt the existence or the occurrence of everything about me or related to me?
Why am i not happy at all?

Even the most important thing is
I have LOST faith on HIM!!
I doubt my existence that HE created me!
I lost my purpose of life!
What the planning HE planned on me?
How can i know that?
I do really know nothing about me of what HE planned on me?
How do i find it?
I really desperate now!!
I can't smile as usual when i am not happy at all!
If i smile i will feel i am a faker!
If i not smiling, people thought i am emo-ing!!
Or actually i am a emo person?

I do not what is going on about me?
Who i am?
What am i for?
I don't know everything about me!!

有一個人，在心裏，想放棄，卻，捨不得…

有一個人 你會很想他每晚對你說‘ 晚安 ’。
有一個人 他不會主動和你聊天 但你會忍不住想和他聊天
有一個人 他永遠不知你在想他 但你卻滿腦子都是他

有一個人 你一上線就會去看他在不在.
不在就一陣失落 在 又不敢打擾他.

有一個人 他的狀態簽名只要一換你立刻胡思亂想 揣測不安

有 一個人 你線上只是在等他而他的頭像卻不會在你的MSN裏抖動

有一個人 你總是忍不住去看他的面子书
即使他什麼新鮮事都沒有。

有 一個人 你會看他的最近來訪和留言
然後又胡思亂想 揣測不安

有 一個人 你一直在等他
他卻忘記了你

有一個人 你真的好愛他
可是仔細一想 你到底愛他什麼？

有 一個人 你觉得他可能是你的永遠
但是他卻告訴你 你们只是彼此的過客

有一個人 你真的可以對他無條件付出
他卻不稀罕 對他來說 你只是負擔~

有一個人 你那麼那麼捨不得
他卻那麼隨意 灑脫 不在乎

有一個人 你總說着 要放下他了
卻總是忍不住又拿來回味

有一個人 離開他的時候你装的若无其事
但是一轉身 早已淚流滿面

有一個人 你會在心裡默念著想見他
一秒也好 就算你在他心裡不存有任何位置了

有一 個人 你好想大聲告訴他
我真的好後悔愛上你了
因為 你發現 你真的真的好爱他
无可救药 无法自拔 情不自禁
可是他不愛你了 這就是事實

~♥家人♥~

突然想到

爸妈我很想念你们

眼泪不知不觉的流了出来 

看见家人那么辛苦的工作 

心疼了起来

看见自己未能有养活他们的能力

心也更加的疼起来

我很爱你们

我的家人^^d

 

心酸了

不说

就是胆小鬼的道理是谁说的？

可是选择不说

每次和她谈完天过后

心都会有一些酸

很怕她有一天会跟我说

我有男友了

然后再跟我说她和他

开始之前与开始之后的点点滴滴

每次找她聊天

虽然她都会回复

可是每次就是我问她答

很少关于她问我答
所以很快

我们的话题就这样结束了

我很想了解她

可是却不懂要怎样

才可以完成这样的了解

对她的事情

我完全不懂

他对我的事情

她完全不问

心很酸

却不懂得要怎样诉说

所以就选择

写在这里

@ different kind of love ~ 另一种的爱 ^^v

i like you

but i feel like not going to tell you

because i have been accustomed to alone 

我喜欢你

可是我不想跟你说

因为我已经习惯一个人了

haha^^v

actually i really accustomed to alone, some more i also don't understand what love actually is!

i don't understand is it really that i like you or not,

but i am really care about you. 

Everyday also feel like wanna chat with you, 

wanna understand you more, 

wanna know more things about you! 

but everytime i find you i also seem that i am very wu liao, talking things also wu liao!! 

I want to 

wish you all the best in your life! 

wish you will graduated with a nice nice nice results! 

wish you find a job that u really interest on it!

wish you have a blissful life with you love!

Maybe

i am not the one that you like

i am not the one that you care

i am not the one that u think all the time

i am not the one you wish him to smile everyday

i am not the one to be your lover in my life

i am not the one to be your husband

i am not the one that you wish to have a family with

Yet, now i know

i  am the person who like you

i am the person who care about you all the time

i  am the person who think about you all the time

i am the person who hope you can smile everyday

i am the person who hope you can be my lover

i am the person who hope you can be my wife forever

i am the person who hope we can have a own family

i am the person who hope we are Forever in front of GOD

Maybe 

one day.. one day

you know who i am

Actually i wanna tell you i like you

but i duno why i choose not to tell you

i choose to be silent in front you

Yet

i really hope that you will know!!

I

You

一个人

一個人久了，會懶得戀愛
一個人久了，朋友會越重要
一個人久了，會越來越喜歡聽歌
一個人久了，電話會常常忘記帶
一個人久了，就會養成一個怪癖
一個人久了，對愛情會越來越挑剔

一個人久了，除了寂寞點外還是蠻開心的
一個人久了，會慢慢變得成熟起來
一個人久了，會比以前更重視更愛父母，更重視親情
一個人久了，對所有的節日大多沒甚麼期待
一個人久了，聽到看到別人一對對的很甜蜜，心裡多少還是

會有 些介意

一個人久了，會喜歡買很多無謂東西，帶自己去很多很遠的地方
一個人久了，會覺得無拘無束自由自在天寬地廣
一個人久了，愛情會變得越來越不重要，取而代之的是錢和事業
一個人久了，會越來越理性，越來越現實

總之，一個人久了，是很幸福的時光...

即使有一點點無聊和寂寞
但是游走在自己的街道上
甚麼都可以無所謂 沒有任何束縛

可是原來...
一個人久了，是會上癮的...

希望

知道却做不到

比不知道又做不到

更痛苦

我还没能为它而拼命的觉悟

时间也剩下无几

我所选的路

也逐渐清晰

能不能尽力

能不能坚持到最后

也不清楚

再想下去也不会有什么结果

我只能做的

就是把全部的可能性

都做一次

希望我会有未来

希望我能成就大事

希望所有关心我的人 也都得到祝福

我应该能吧？

真的希望我能。。

很累，真的很累了。。。

刚才在祷告时，无意中说了“我逃避到好累”
我为什么在这样说。。
我在怕什么？
我到底怎了？
我真的不知道。

约想就越想，
约想就越想逃避
约想就越想离开

当初自己做好的决定，
想在却想要反悔，
我像是受不住承诺的人
真的没有责任感的人

没办法答应做到的事情，
为何当初我会答应？
为何当初我会那么坚持？
为何现在我会临阵退缩？

我真的很想休息。。
真的真的逃避到好累！！
我不想再逃避了
可以吗？？

神，你能回应我吗？
怎样的道路，才是你要我走的？
可以带着我吗？
我很胆怯
我很没信心
我很迷茫
可以牵着我的手一起走吗？
我很无助啊！！
请袮听我祷告
奉主耶稣的名祈求，阿门！！

Pieces' words of a day

today is Kerry Ng Syi-i birthday,
and today is my 1st time woke up late to go to class in this year.

i noe that is nothing related on this two things,
but i still wanna write at here,
so maybe some days i may click it back to see how my history was.
haha^^v

Recently the stress is become more obvious than usual.
i think the reason is because
the week of 7th - 13th of March,
which is the week that i got 3 midterm test is needed to be examined..
but now i still haven't study
just because of the asgmt that i needed to submit before midterm and after midterm.

still the same,
i wish i can improve,
improve things that i needed to improve to become more better and more knowledgeable
i wish i can be more mature,
so i can see things through different perspectives or think maturity
i wish i can be more spiritual
so i can more rely to my Lord in doing anything and everything

that all for today.
haha^^v

ps:
Syi-i, Happy Birthday to you!
Wish your dreams come true!
May God bless you and your family!
May the joyful surrounded you any moment and every moment!
Happy Birthday^^

Understanding

before i do any action, understanding her is the most important part to me!!

without understanding, what i do is equal to nothing!!

i also wish that she can understand me more!!


many things can be happen during this 3 to 4 years, but i wont regret what i have done!!

I just wish she can have a blissful life!

May God blesses her^^d


2day can chat with her..really nice!!

Bcoz from the conversation, i can understand her more!!

Wish her all the best on the coming test and report submission ^^d

Same like loving the Wind

I loving a person which seem likei am loving the wind!!
I can feel the exist of the wind, but i can't touch it or catch it!

When the wind is around, u will nvr have the feeling of Hot.
When the wind is not around, the Hot is making u suffer!!

The feel of insecure is always right beside you.
You never know when the wind comes, when the wind gone!!

When the wind is just beside you, sure you very enjoy!
But wind never stay long,
by the time u wanna enjoy more longer, the wind may already gone!!

Sienz

Is that i have no friends at all??

why i could not find a friend to chat when I'm boring!!

Pity fellow..

I need a LOVE

i always said that i only concern about my studies
but not any relationship with others.
Yet, actually i am the one
who desire to have a partner right now this moment.
but how?? not easy to love someone..
even this moment,
i didn't realize that i am fall in love with someone secretly..
Everyone need a lover, so do i am!!
Its my desire too..
so what?
i don't think i can easily choose someone to love..
i wish i would have a life partner, but not any puppies' love..

i told myself,
from now,
i just wish to more understand someone
4 years later, then only see whether i still got chance to confess my love to her.
do u think that this call love?
TOTALLY NOT la..
i am just comfort myself that i am loving her but will only confess when she is back from Singapore

No doubt, she is really a nice girl.
we both are christian..
so that would not be any trouble if we get together.
but i know this is not gonna happen.
Between this 4 years, anything and everything is possible.
who said she wont have a lover during this 4 years at Singapore?
who said she will back to ipoh after she finishes her contract?
who said she will like me even she back to ipoh?
and who said i can stand still between this 4 years to wait her back to ipoh?

I admit, i really need love, a lover that love me and care me!
And no doubt..
i love pretty girl,
i like staring them,
i wish my lover is a pretty girl.
for me, she is pretty enough!
but there is a proverb,
a flower stick on the cow dung will never happen in a reality!!!

i wish i am in love with other,
i wish i have a pretty lover,
i wish our love is last forever...

Sometimes, i give up on love..
i will consider my life will be a single life..
i know that my requirement is just a plan taking by mouth but not writing in a piece of paper.
i admit that my qualification can't satisfy the requirement of any girl.
so why still i dreaming that i can have a lover??

I really want to know why GOD chosen me and letting me suffer from all this of things.
Backbone problems la,
Not smart in studies la,
No knowledge on any instruments la
No gift in sports la
Not awareness on being a real christian life..
Even i don't know what is my gift that GOD gave to me!!
you know, add all this together
if you are me, sure you gonna fed up also!!
So, why i am still existing on here??

Ya, i know that i am not love myself..
so i have no right to love other.
Is this the reason that i must be single in life?
Hahz...really dishearten, sum fui yi lang!!!

Can i consider this post is a post that i write to Jesus?
Lord, please hear me..
i really NEED your Guidance..
Give me my purpose of life!!
i cant walk in blind!!
i cant stand still when i carried all my burdens.
can i let go some?
can i find my life partner to share my burdens?
or should i not burden my life partner?
so i should be single in my whole life?
I rally feel Helplessness when i feel i am alone or single!!
HELP me LORD!!!!