I need a LOVE

i always said that i only concern about my studies
but not any relationship with others.
Yet, actually i am the one
who desire to have a partner right now this moment.
but how?? not easy to love someone..
even this moment,
i didn't realize that i am fall in love with someone secretly..
Everyone need a lover, so do i am!!
Its my desire too..
so what?
i don't think i can easily choose someone to love..
i wish i would have a life partner, but not any puppies' love..

i told myself,
from now,
i just wish to more understand someone
4 years later, then only see whether i still got chance to confess my love to her.
do u think that this call love?
TOTALLY NOT la..
i am just comfort myself that i am loving her but will only confess when she is back from Singapore

No doubt, she is really a nice girl.
we both are christian..
so that would not be any trouble if we get together.
but i know this is not gonna happen.
Between this 4 years, anything and everything is possible.
who said she wont have a lover during this 4 years at Singapore?
who said she will back to ipoh after she finishes her contract?
who said she will like me even she back to ipoh?
and who said i can stand still between this 4 years to wait her back to ipoh?

I admit, i really need love, a lover that love me and care me!
And no doubt..
i love pretty girl,
i like staring them,
i wish my lover is a pretty girl.
for me, she is pretty enough!
but there is a proverb,
a flower stick on the cow dung will never happen in a reality!!!

i wish i am in love with other,
i wish i have a pretty lover,
i wish our love is last forever...

Sometimes, i give up on love..
i will consider my life will be a single life..
i know that my requirement is just a plan taking by mouth but not writing in a piece of paper.
i admit that my qualification can't satisfy the requirement of any girl.
so why still i dreaming that i can have a lover??

I really want to know why GOD chosen me and letting me suffer from all this of things.
Backbone problems la,
Not smart in studies la,
No knowledge on any instruments la
No gift in sports la
Not awareness on being a real christian life..
Even i don't know what is my gift that GOD gave to me!!
you know, add all this together
if you are me, sure you gonna fed up also!!
So, why i am still existing on here??

Ya, i know that i am not love myself..
so i have no right to love other.
Is this the reason that i must be single in life?
Hahz...really dishearten, sum fui yi lang!!!

Can i consider this post is a post that i write to Jesus?
Lord, please hear me..
i really NEED your Guidance..
Give me my purpose of life!!
i cant walk in blind!!
i cant stand still when i carried all my burdens.
can i let go some?
can i find my life partner to share my burdens?
or should i not burden my life partner?
so i should be single in my whole life?
I rally feel Helplessness when i feel i am alone or single!!
HELP me LORD!!!!